Tag Archives: Toy

History of the Slide


I was actually trying to look it up and Googled “history of the slide,” only to find out about slide rules and landslides …

So here goes, my proposed Wikipedia entry on “history of the slide”:

The ancient Greeks used a version of the slide–called a “slithde”—for political meetings. A losing candidate was sent “down the chute,” which was a symbol of shame. The idea was abandoned when it was discovered candidates were deliberately losing elections in order to ride the slithde.

The Romans did not borrow the idea from the Greeks. The Romans were a bunch of killjoy party poopers.

During medieval times, stone slides were built into the sides of Gothic Cathedrals to test for witches. A woman was placed at the head of a slide and shoved. If she slid, it meant she was “called by devil” and a witch. Again, the idea proved unpopular after a time, when church officials discovered: A) Sliding was fun. And B) Witches who slide typically did not wait at the end of the slide for their inquisitors to catch them, but jumped up and ran off. Only those foolish enough to re-enter the cathedral for another ride were caught. Then, too, C) There was that unfortunate incident in 1310 when the assistant bishop of Bordeaux, concerned that the witch was going to flee following her slide, himself mounted the slide—it turns out assistant bishops can also be called by the devil. Not good PR.

Modern slides were first made of cast iron and re-invented by an assistant to Thomas Alva Edison in New Jersey in 1898. Edison both claimed responsibility for the slide and refused to build them, since they distracted workers from constructing light bulbs.

The plastic slide was first installed in a B-29 bomber as an escape tool. Since the slide would not deflate or store well, it reduced the performance of the plane and was stored next to the landing strip on Okinawa, where it proved popular among the GIs, one of who, Eddie Playstation, would later found a major slide making company.

In 2011, the slide was discovered by Nikayla and Tristan. One, a witch, apparently, decided it was a device for quickly exiting a platform, while the other decided it was an inefficient, but fun, way to ascend to a platform. They were both right.

There you have it! Ready for Wikipedia? It’s got more information in it than their “real” entry on the slide!

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Queen Lizzy is Addicted to Pandora’s Box


The Queendom

All citizens of the Queendom of Lizzy. Queen Lizzy is in her throne (box), surrounded by her loyal serfs. Skype surveillance photo number 26.

How can parents recognize box addiction?

It happens innocently enough. Lets examine the case of a girl. To prevent her from being identified, instead of her real name (Elizabeth or Lizzie), we’ll call her by a code name.

“Lizzy.”

Anyway, Lizzy, as we choose to call our anonymous subject, is a precious little 1-year-old, who, like any self-respecting post toddler young lady, lives in her personal Queendom with two tall subjects, aka parents, who basically do her bidding day and night.

Queen Lizzy, it seems, has many toys, some stored in boxes. She loves to take the toys out of the boxes and scatter them about the living room. Not, it seems, to play with the toys. In reality, scattered toys mean empty boxes.

And Lizzie is a modern-day poster child for the tragedy of boxaholism.

On one recent Saturday in November, Lizzy’s grandparents were viewing her via Skype, and Lizzy was displaying full-blow box dependency. With glad squeals and great energy, she emptied a box. Then sat in it.

In her box.

The Queen in her royal box. Behind her is a larger box, which she uses as her favorite royal chamber. The smaller, portable throne was being a short of royal Sit and Spin or bumper car, with the help of dada power. Note her slightly disheveled hair--she spins right round baby right round like a record baby right round, round.

One of the games she played was “out of the box, and into the box.” She would appeal for help from one of the tall minions who do her bidding in her Queendom so she could escape her box. Then, she would immediately climb back in, head first, little Lizzy butt in the air, until she had boxed herself again.

At one point, Lizzy’s female serf displayed Queen Lizzy’s favorite chamber. A box, with a window cut into it.

As Lizzy’s male serf said, “all you need to capture babies is boxes.”

Let the record show, for the sake of truth and all that is good, this particular male serf played a key role in Queen Lizzy’s tragic box dependency. When Lizzy had finally achieved thronedom by sitting in her box, this serf, whom we shall refer to as either “Matt,” as most call him, or “dada,” as the queen herself addresses him, grabbed the box and swung it around like a Sit-and-Spin.

The queen squealed. It was apparent, however that the noise was not a protest, but appeared to be instead an enjoinment along the lines of “turn it faster, dada.” Dada turned the box. Queen Lizzy squealed. Before the Queen lost her royal supper (it was evening in the Queendom), dada or Matt stopped the box. Whereupon the Queen would loll her head about in a quite drunken fashion, another dizzy victim of the box and box turning habit.

The female serf expressed concern that IQ points could be leaking out the queen’s ears.

Perhaps we should excuse Matt a bit, as he was gently sipping an intoxicating brew himself during the brewhaha : a glass of wine. Of course, from a box.

I sadly must report, dear reader, that this box addiction may be genetic. Queen Lizzy has a cousin who rules her own Queendom on another continent.

And, as you can see from Nikayla in the toy box, that cousin queen has a box habit of her own, too.

Shocking.

Nikayla

Meanwhile, in North America, a cousin of our British royalty rules her own Queendom. With a toy box. Emptied of toys. By, and for, Queen Nikayla. Photo blatently ripped off from a Facebook page, but I hope my own daughter won't sue me ...

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