It feels a little odd, not writing about Audrey’s brother Mike yet, whose loss is still so raw, but I’m still collecting my thoughts and might post something after his memorial service Sunday.
So, instead, a totally silly post. About the President of the United States, who clearly can’t be eligible to be president for some reason. Sure, now he’s PROVEN he was born in Honolulu, but can you trust him, his so-called facts or his proof? And don’t let trivial asides like evidence get in the way of Truth.
America made a huge mistake in 2008, because clearly we did not vote for a sweet old man who looks like he belongs in the white bread country club formed by all of our other chief executives.
Oh, sure. Hawaii was technically a state when Obama technically came into this world technically there, but it was just barely a state, and how real a state is Hawaii, anyway? We don’t elect presidents from Hawaii any more than we take seriously quitting governors from under-populated, barely American backwater states like Alasksa. Frankly, I’m not really ready yet to accept that Richard Nixon was really eligible to be President because he was born in California, and, honestly, isn’t that state just barely American, too?
The brave patriot birthers will carry on their patriotic crusade come hell, high water, birth certificates, facts or any other ravings from snobs such as professors because clearly there is plenty of other evidence that Obama isn’t fit for office.
Just consider the mounting outrages:
The whole salt-and-pepper icky thing. There, I said it. How un-American was it to choose parents that make what was then a racially segregated country uncomfortable? Clearly, it was an un-American thing for a future leader of the free world to do. A future president should choose a less racially diverse color scheme for his ancestors so the very idea of a family picture won’t give anybody fits.
Clearly, alien brothers. Logical, cold, rational and not ready to lead America.
His odd manner of speech. Obama doesn’t have a slow comfortable Texas drawl that allows him to invent new terms like New-Que-Lar, but he also doesn’t have an upper-crust Boston accent, either. No good South, Midwest, West or Northeast regionalisms in his speech. Obama speaks as if he were manufactured in an artificial place rather than born. Like a greenhouse in Honolulu. Besides, I saw “Lilo & Stitch,” and I know that Hawaii is infested by aliens—not Kenyan aliens, Milky Way and beyond aliens. His artificial speech pattern suggests that, rather than being Kenyan, perhaps our president is a robot or Vulcan. And as only a half-human, Spock couldn’t be president, either.
He lived in Indonesia. The closest a true American gets to Indonesia is Indiana, and a true American can’t even spell “Indonesia,” let alone find it on a globe. And Obama had a foreign dad and another foreign (and Muslim and therefore terrorist) stepdad. Some of our wise blog friends speculate that this means he has dual citizenship, which makes him un-American and not eligible to be President of the U.S. of A. Don’t ask me where it states in the U.S. Constitution that “dual citizenship” disqualifies someone to be president—the document just mentions being a natural born citizen—but it’s a living document and I’ll train that basic legal bush the way I want it, gosh darn it. There. No half-Vulcan, dual citizen, not true American should ever be elected our Prez.
Obama clearly engages in un-American leisure activities. He never was in Little League. Although basketball is an American-invented game, in that it wasn’t corrupted from some prissy British bat game like baseball was, true Americans were all in Little League. (I’m not a true American by that standard, nor was Ronald Reagan). Red-blooded sons of the U.S. get fat playing baseball or pack on pounds so they can knock other people over playing God’s true American sport, football (and I don’t mean that namby-pamby foreign footsie football, either—and if she says I do, then soccer). Baskeball? Sorry, but it’s clearly some sort of African tribal ritual, not an American sport no matter where it came from (like Obama himself, in a way, who clearly can’t be American no matter where he came from, either).
Finally, Obama not only seems to read a lot—always a bad sign—but to have written a lot, too. True Americans watch NASCAR and play video games. Reading? Writing? Really? Who has time?
Obama thinks he’s put the birth issue out of our minds by dropping a trivial little birth certificate on us.
Ha! As if. To paraphrase Stephen Colbert’s famous speech about President Bush, a true American will clearly believe on Thursday what he believed on Tuesday no matter what happens on Wednesday.
So we know Barrack isn’t one of us. Don’t we?