History of the Slide


I was actually trying to look it up and Googled “history of the slide,” only to find out about slide rules and landslides …

So here goes, my proposed Wikipedia entry on “history of the slide”:

The ancient Greeks used a version of the slide–called a “slithde”—for political meetings. A losing candidate was sent “down the chute,” which was a symbol of shame. The idea was abandoned when it was discovered candidates were deliberately losing elections in order to ride the slithde.

The Romans did not borrow the idea from the Greeks. The Romans were a bunch of killjoy party poopers.

During medieval times, stone slides were built into the sides of Gothic Cathedrals to test for witches. A woman was placed at the head of a slide and shoved. If she slid, it meant she was “called by devil” and a witch. Again, the idea proved unpopular after a time, when church officials discovered: A) Sliding was fun. And B) Witches who slide typically did not wait at the end of the slide for their inquisitors to catch them, but jumped up and ran off. Only those foolish enough to re-enter the cathedral for another ride were caught. Then, too, C) There was that unfortunate incident in 1310 when the assistant bishop of Bordeaux, concerned that the witch was going to flee following her slide, himself mounted the slide—it turns out assistant bishops can also be called by the devil. Not good PR.

Modern slides were first made of cast iron and re-invented by an assistant to Thomas Alva Edison in New Jersey in 1898. Edison both claimed responsibility for the slide and refused to build them, since they distracted workers from constructing light bulbs.

The plastic slide was first installed in a B-29 bomber as an escape tool. Since the slide would not deflate or store well, it reduced the performance of the plane and was stored next to the landing strip on Okinawa, where it proved popular among the GIs, one of who, Eddie Playstation, would later found a major slide making company.

In 2011, the slide was discovered by Nikayla and Tristan. One, a witch, apparently, decided it was a device for quickly exiting a platform, while the other decided it was an inefficient, but fun, way to ascend to a platform. They were both right.

There you have it! Ready for Wikipedia? It’s got more information in it than their “real” entry on the slide!

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